5 ways to be a Better Listener

“A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Effective listening is one of the most important characteristics that contribute to healthy relationships. Listening is connected to the ability to be empathetic, supportive, and open-minded, and it serves as the foundation for how others perceive our competence as communicators in both the personal and professional domains. Listening for the purpose of understanding helps to establish stronger connections, settle problems, and foster empathy, and good listeners are viewed as more pleasant and trustworthy by others. When we know a friend or another person is suffering, agitated, or has something essential to communicate, our ability to listen may either enable healthy conversation or cause disconnection.

Listening is a skill that we can all develop with practice and below are the five tips that can help in improving your listening skills.

• Be present and keep distractions to a minimum.

Good listeners pay complete attention to the other person, allowing them to completely participate and optimise their comprehension. Find a quiet spot to talk, prevent multitasking, and turn off your phone.

• Stop your agenda and talk less and listen more.

You will not be a flexible listener if you enter the discussion with the intention of directing it in a specific direction or digging for specific facts. It might be beneficial to express this purpose to the other person, particularly in conflict situations: "I'm here to listen." It's important for me to fully comprehend what you're saying."

If you're talking more than the other person, chances are you're not obtaining enough information from them to fully comprehend the situation. If you want to listen, a decent rule of thumb is to make sure the other person is speaking at least twice as much as you are.

• Lean into the pauses and explain what you mean.

Difficult ideas, feelings, and themes might be difficult to express.

Allow the other person to finish their statements without interrupting. Allow for pauses and provide conversational space when appropriate: "Take your time. “I’m paying attention."

Reflecting back what you're hearing is an effective approach to keep the conversation focused on acquiring understanding: "You're saying..."

• Ask objective questions.

Be interested in what you're hearing, and when appropriate, offer questions that urge the other person to elaborate: "How do you feel about that?" or "Tell me more about..."

• Avoid the dream of problem solving.

When you want to assist, it might be tempting to provide unsolicited advice. However, this can be insulting to the other person, who may believe that your sole interest is in solving their issues for them. Good listeners aim to understand the issue and give others the room to work through it in their own manner. If you believe it is suitable to propose a solution, first seek permission: "Would it be useful if I offered some advice?"